losing to win...

So as you all know I am floored by all the things God is doing in my life and in Davids'. I am typing this at 12am, January 24th. As many of you know I lost someone quite precious to me this year. God BLESSED my life with a friendship that ended too soon. Josh and I became friends about 8 or 9 years ago while I was volunteering and interning with Youth For Christ. We became instant friends and spent countless hours together planning youth events and mostly just being silly. He had an infectious personality and an infectious love for Jesus. Without going into too much detail, I lost him suddenly and tragically. No words can really explain how my heart felt at that moment when the reality hit that he was in fact gone. My last encounter with him was after we ate lunch on Wednesday July 21st the day he died. We talked all about his new relationship and the plans they were making. I asked him if I could pray with him before he left, and of course we bowed our heads right there and I put my hand on his shoulder and prayed.

Since this I have been trying desperately to understand why God would allow this sweet precious godly man to leave this earth so soon. I know God has used the circumstances and his life for HIS glory. But I needed it to make sense to me and for me. What was God doing? I felt like I was wandering in a dessert. I was thirsty, but not in the physical sense but spiritually. Melinda, a sweet and dear friend told me about this book
"1000 Gifts"by Ann Voskamp.  
This is where the "New Story"  and Outlook on my life starts! It is extremely hard to be thankful in the midst of tragedy. I could feel my heart growing bitter and at times still do. My sense of fairness and justice have to be soothed by my Father in Heaven! This book is teaching me to live in a state of "Eucharisteo." This word has three meanings. Thanksgiving, Joy, and Grace. This year and the rest of my days need to be lived this way. Anne's blog "A holy experience" is quite incredible as well.

January 23 was titled

Why You Really Need to Think About Losing (Because This is how You Win)

http://www.aholyexperience.com/2012/01/why-you-really-need-to-think-about-losing-because-this-is-how-you-win/

This post by Ann is thought provoking! I now know why I lost Josh. (I shouldn't say lost, because I know exactly where he is.) It's so I could learn to Love! The people in my life are now more precious to me than ever. I am being more intentional with my time with them. I want the time to be quality and to love them more deeply and appreciate the time I have with them. I appreciate and love the time I had with Josh and focus on that not the time lost. I am thankful God placed Josh in my life when he did. Josh helped me see what being a "Real" fleshy christian was. He was not afraid to love people and share Jesus Passionately with them. I find myself falling in love with Jesus all over each day. His mercies are NEW every morning, Great is His Faithfulness.

So losing... is making me win! LOVE

This time that David and I apart has been a blessing, God is teaching me to love HIM more deeply and love David more deeply. It's funny how just a text is no longer "just" a text. It's knowing that David love me and is thinking about me. It makes me remember the days of dating... being intentional to let the other know you love them and care for them. It's easy during day to day life to forget to say and do those things. So far I have not been sad, I have not had any pity parties, and I am not lonely. I am Strong, I can do all thing through Christ who strengthens me. God is who sustains, comforts and my ever present help!

Signing off the!

The Wife